Going Postal

OK.  So I have avoided writing about being alone and pregnant in Germany, how large I have subsequently gotten and the amount of time I have been spending making the foreign office here happy because I didn’t want to launch a perpetual bitch fest here at Amis the Famous.  I am really a happy person despite my trials and frustrations.  However, today I am going to bitch loud and clear.

My question is this:  How hard is it to deliver the fucking mail?

Granted I have never worked in a post office.  I am sure there is some sort of super coordination involved but it’s been going on for years now so I am also sure there is some kind of uber organized science behind it all.  Sorting everything might be a pain in the ass but it can’t be that hard to start by distinguishing between ground mail and air mail.   Don’t they have little bar codes nowadays that help speed everything along?  Seriously, it’s not like I have to seal a personalized quill penned note with my own special distinguishing wax stamp and have it raced off across the countryside on horseback.  That might even be more reliable compared to the moronic bullshit I have experienced. Or maybe, it’s simply oooooo…  magic.

So, around the beginning of November last year I sent a package to my sister.   In it were two really cool toy advent calendars they have here in Germany and not back home that I wanted my nephews to have for Christmas and a decorative linen for my grandmother.  I was told that because of the holidays and the distance it wouldn’t get there in time, so I went ahead and happily the spent extra money to guarantee that the package get there in about three weeks.  Now, call me crazy, but doesn’t guarantee say to you that it will absolutely, without a doubt arrive at the correct destination?  I mean, 56 Euro is not cheap!  WRONG!!!  Spending 56 Euro to guarantee the arrival of a package ultimately means that it will bounce around somewhere in mail purgatory only to be returned to you at your expense the following February with the bullshit reasoning that it was undeliverable.

I didn’t think it could happen twice.  I figured OK, the holidays are hell on the mail system and Deutsche Post works when I send things in Germany.  After all, I seem to get my bills just fine, if you know what I mean!

So I tried again.  My husband was working in Canada and we had be apart for our first wedding anniversary.  I sent him a care package of some of the things he was really missing from home.  I sent this package in July,  leaving plenty of time for it to arrive and wasn’t worried about an overloaded holiday mail system.  In other words, I did not spend extra money for a guaranteed deadline this time.  Trying to keep it a surprise I never mentioned it to my husband.  Weeks passed and I kept waiting for him to say something.  Finally, I  mentioned the package,  which he of course had not seen.  I contacted Deutsche Post and asked what the problem was.  According to the tracking number the package had been stuck in Canadian customs for about 3 weeks which is kinda overkill for a care package, don’t you think?  Anyway, an investigation was launched along with my not so subtle annoyance with the Post.   Long story short, it took a handful of emails and a nasty attitude coupled with a demand for my money back for the package to finally be found and delivered horrifically late.  At least it got there, and for the record did make my husband very happy, even though when it was all said and done he would be coming home 6 days after receiving it.

OK, so they suck in sending international packages.  A letter can’t go wrong.  Letters are small and simple.  I have sent many of them worldwide with no hassle.

Last Friday I was feeling very accomplished and proud of myself.  I had received my absentee ballot for the  upcoming presidential election and was sending it in right away.  Mind you, the US government sends you an envelope to return your ballot in with the correct address printed on the front.  All I had to do was fill out  the ballot, my return address, sign the back of the envelope stating I was basically an honest human being, and pay for the international postage, since sending it would not be free from Germany.  I walked up to the counter at the Deutsche Post and watched my envelope get weighed.  The woman looked at me.  Come to think of it she really wasn’t very friendly, anyway she waves her four fingers and says, “vier Euro”.  I looked at her in disbelief!  Four Euro!!  Highway robbery I say!!

While this is a fairly steep price for a piece of mail it is ultimately a small price to pay for my voice to be heard and counted.  Voting is important people!!  DO IT!!

Anyway, I paid my money and watched the grouchy lady put the stamps on my envelope and then put it into the airmail slot.  With a thank you, rather “dankeschone” and a smile I left happy knowing my vote  would reach the States in plenty of time.

So today I returned home after a long morning of becoming a good little integrated foreigner and picked up  my mail.  To my disbelief,  no,  HORROR, my vote I was so happy to send was sitting in my hand.  And this didn’t happen because I screwed up and put down the wrong address in the sender’s spot.  Did I mention the pre-printed envelope with the County of Sacramento’s voter registration and elections address clearly printed?  Not to mention Germany doesn’t have some extremely different way to address envelopes.  It is virtually the same as I have encountered pretty much worldwide.

Granted I can remember a time when I was confused about what information went where, nervous about  putting the correct information in the correct spots to ensure my letter correctly get from point a to the correct point b.  However, I was like in the first grade and thus 6 years old at the time.  So how a group of  adults working for a country’s mail system can continuously screw up something that was once hard way  back in the first grade is beyond me.

Not only have I spent 4 Euro to send something to myself by no error of my own, I have come to realize  I have had better luck and more consistency with getting my mail delivered in third world countries.